His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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