i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
