Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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