just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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