That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
