so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My penis needs a shock collar
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
