his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
