i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
