If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
