he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
