theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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