You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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