you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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