I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
