quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
