I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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