not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
