dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
