mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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