I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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