I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
