No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
