Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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