The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
