maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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