my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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