i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize