So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
