i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
