why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
