What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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