i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
