Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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