he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
True strength comes from lack of pants
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
