his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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