So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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