I looked at my own cervix.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
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She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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