Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
