I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
