just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize