You smell like a Billy Joel song
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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