dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.