I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.