think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup