I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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