I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
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I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize