She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.