u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Can I color on your dick again?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on