i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?