I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends