This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad