if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
