shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
