I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
