My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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