ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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