come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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