"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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