You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
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Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
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I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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