You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
