you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
