We won't sleep together?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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