Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
