God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
