I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
