help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
