Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
