Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
