yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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