Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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