I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
