watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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