I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
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