Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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