Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
