Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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