I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
